I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
