he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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