Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
