1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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