wanna go halves on a baby?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
