It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
