I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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