he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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