i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
