how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
