It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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