can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
