is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
