Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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