just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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