Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
