but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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