if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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