i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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