Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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