i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
