I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
