guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
