I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
