just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
