omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
