is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
