this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
