I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
