I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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