We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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