My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
