y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
