Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My penis needs a shock collar
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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