I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
