its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
