i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
