For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
