my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
