Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
