I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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