return my video game
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
