There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
