She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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