I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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