You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
