We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
