He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
