you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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