Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm going to jail i love you
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
