i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When are your genitals available?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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